Today Rudolph Would Have Been Allowed to Play the Reindeer Games- But He Still Might Have a Hard Time Making Friends

Of course, bullying hasn’t been eliminated. But it has been greatly reduced, and when it occurs, it is much more covert than it used to be. In modern times, it is unlikely teachers would allow any child to be excluded from games. But a common mistake people make is that proximity and inclusion lead to friendships. Sure, it can happen, but it is still hard for people who are different to make friends.

Today, if you go into virtually any preschool, kindergarten, or 1^st grade class, everyone is “friends.” In schools, the word “friends” is now used as a synonym for “classmates.” Teachers say things like, “Each friend will line up and take a piece of paper.” “When it is your turn, tell your friends what you did over the weekend.” Even outside of school, many parents do things like invite every “friend” in the class to birthday parties.

Now, it may be a lovely thought, but that’s not what we mean by having a friend. Young kids exposed to years of this type of language may not understand what it means to have a friend.

Developing meaningful friendships is difficult process for many children with autism and other developmental disabilities. Often, this friendship culture in the early years can sometimes fool us into thinking children are making meaningful friendships when they aren’t. Children may include others in recess games, but that doesn’t mean a real friendship is developing.

ABA had much to offer in the realm of teaching children the skills needed to develop meaningful friendships. Over and over again we have learned that inclusion and proximity to peers does not necessarily lead to friendships. It may be necessary, but it is not sufficient. The work is much harder than that.

Behavior analytic services should only be delivered in the context of a professional relationship. Nothing written in this blog should be considered advice for any specific individual. The purpose of the blog is to share my experience, not to provide treatment. Please get advice from a professional before making changes to behavior analytic services being delivered. Nothing in this blog including comments or correspondence should be considered an agreement for Dr. Barry D. Morgenstern to provide services or establish a professional relationship outside of a formal agreement to do so. I attempt to write this blog in “plain English” and avoid technical jargon whenever possible. But all statements are meant to be consistent with behavior analytic literature, practice, and the professional code of ethics. If, for whatever reason, you think I’ve failed in the endeavor, let me know and I’ll consider your comments and make revisions, if appropriate. Feedback is always appreciated as I’m always trying to Poogi.